My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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