I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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