True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
