I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
