i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
