Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize