There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the day after is always just damage control
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
