Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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