Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
