my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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