I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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