Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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