I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize