If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize