I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
