Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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