I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
