don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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