literally had 100 drinks last night.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
