Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize