I wish you could order shots online.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
