I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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