idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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