I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
