Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
