My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
