if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Two words: nipple clamps
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