Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
