Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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