Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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