My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
