I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
