The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
