JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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