Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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