His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
