I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
