my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This baby is an asshole
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
