people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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