I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We got so high we made milksteak
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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