Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
