Old men and throwing up are my life now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
