I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
