Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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