Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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