Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize