Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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