she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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