i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
