i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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