how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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