You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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