Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
