You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
