Already got asked if we're dating
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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