look no pants
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize