So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
