There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
