nutella sex= disaster
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
