My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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