Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize