she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
whose parrot is this?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
