he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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